Sunday, August 5, 2012

How to Get People (Especially Women) to Take Comics Seriously



Yeah.


Notice how V-Shield-Girl's breasts manage to stay perky inside her armor! And Lightning Cleavage's breasts manage to stay perky in spandex!



Displaying this in a bookstore will definitely attract women to comics! Look, she's saving some pathetic clod who's just wearing tacky boxers and is a loser yet somehow also muscular! See? It's not sexist at all!




Here's How to Reach Out to Women the Marvel Way!


1) Refer to women as "girls" (to be fair, it's "Hulk-Girl," but she's the only one like that)! And yet the series is called "Women of Marvel"!

2) BREASTS! BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS!

3) But have a female character physically dominating a man! It's okay, ladies! GIRL POWER RAWRR!

4) Make Spider-Man look upset that a girl is winning!

5) Put Wolverine on the cover!



YAAAAAAAAY WAIT WHY AREN'T WE MAKING MONEY??!?! :(




WHY IS NO ONE BUYING BLACK WIDOW AND THE MARVEL GIRLS??!??!


See, here is how a good comic book author/artist team does things:

Look! The one with the goggles doesn't even have breasts at all!

Now, admittedly, those are teenagers (and a twelve-year-old) pictured, but that's really not the point. The point is that whatever their age, Alphona drew them like actual people. He could have drawn them like many other comic book artists draw teenagers:



How to Attract Girls to Comics, by DC:

1) Make tons of Supergirls

2) All of them have huge boobs

3) Also most of the boobs are perky

4) Oh and they are all made out of metal








1 comment:

  1. It's entirely possible to have sleek, built-in bras.

    I dunno about that second chick in purple though. Maybe she's actually feeding him to the mouth monsters; it's a metaphor for matriarchal oppression.

    ReplyDelete

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